Whether you are or not , everyone just want to be love and envied . No , shh , it ’s on-key . And thanks to the ease of the internet , you may finally realize the dreaming . Here ’s how to be the plaza of Twitter tending .

Twitter , as delusional and perverse as it may be , serves as a social barometer of the day . Unlike Facebook , where piling on the friends becomes sort of gauche , the higher your follower count , the more influential and weight you look to be . You may in fact be an idiot and a mountebank , but that does n’t count — people make out a growing number . With some sneaky steps and a little strategy , you too can bloat your followers , even if you ’re not worth follow .

Spam all of your friends

Twitter makes it well-to-do to import contacts , trawling your Facebook and Gmail account for citizenry you know and maybe even like who are also twirp . Load up both of these accounts , and follow everyone . All of them . If this list includes people you do n’t really give care for , that ’s alright — you wo n’t actually have to read their drivel cascade . All you need is for them to get the e-mail notification that you ’re on Twitter , in the hopes they ’ll follow you back — so go onward and hammer ‘ unfollow ’ until you ’ve culled out the crap contacts .

This fall in you a nice fundament .

Be a hashtag sheep

This is so , so significant ! By and large , hashtags are worthless , inane , and lingually cancerous . But everyone sleep with them , so get over it and start tweeting popular ones . 
 obtain what ’s trending on Twitter , and work that , hard .

https://gizmodo.com/how-the-hashtag-is-ruining-the-english-language-update-5869538

Many hashtags take the phase of a group joke—#neversaythisonafirstdate , or something like that , rather than word of a meteor explosion or famous person expiry . These are ones you could take part in as much as you want , but more importantly , people will be scanning veer hashtags to read the jest of others . If you tweet along , your name will show up in the list , exposing you to chiliad upon thou of potential followers and followees of would - be following . You take after ? Maybe your contribution is witty . perhaps your picture is attractive ( subtip : pic an appealing picture ) . Maybe someone will just follow you because they like clicking things ( these multitude exist ! ) . No matter what , getting yourself out there is good .

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Say something about current issue too . Was there an earthquake ? “ Oh my immortal did you feel that quake ? # earthquake . ” Is today the day Facebook goes public ? Make some halt joke about the Winklevoss Twin , Facebook blah blah blah . It ’ll show up in search results .

But one hashtag per tweet , please , or you ’ll get murdered .

Buy attention

There ’s nothing honorable about this , but for the Mary Leontyne Price of lunch , you could spam hundreds of thousands of peoplewith your name . Go toPay4Tweet , peck a duo of account — fake celebrity profiles do well!—and tell everyone to follow you . Then immediately walk to the bathroom , face into the mirror at your own bloodshot eyes , and contemplate what you ’ve just done .

http://gawker.com/5875916/how-i-made-70-selling-myself-on-twitter

Revel in praise

Did someone cool mention you in a nerveless tweet in a way that make you coolheaded ? Do n’t retweet it . Reply alternatively . That fashion , it depend like you ’re “ stay on the conversation ” when it fact you ’re just “ show everyone else that you were mentioned by someone else , ” thereby make you see worthwhile .

Beg to be noticed by famous people

Celebrities will retweet you if dissemble it ’s your natal day and publish something like OHHHHH MY GOD RIRI I bang YOU PLEASE PLEASE RETWEET ME IT ’S MY BDAY ! ! ! ! ! ! . No results guaranteed here , but it happens . And then you ’re in the limelight . Alec BaldwinandRicky Gervaisare usually middling well about this . So is Lil B , if the stars align .

Be cool and smart, not an annoying asshole

Do n’t ego - advance too much . Gizmodo reporter and Twitter self - promoter Mat Honan recommends a ratio of 1 self - promote tweet to 10 tweet about whatever other shit you talk about . And if you have something really awesome to share about yourself , that could web you a long ton of retweets . And retweets mean following . And followers mean you , my friend , have made it .

Above all , be an interesting , cool individual . Just be that way . Do n’t make bad jokes . Be sassy . Ca n’t you just be smart ? Make astute observations and witty cracks . you may angle for all the follows you want , but ultimately , if you ’re just a boring suck , this is a lost crusade . Perhaps that should ’ve been mentioned earlier .

User Manualis Gizmodo ’s guide to etiquette . It appears as if by thaumaturgy every Friday .

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